Women in White

“NURSE MIA!”

The angry, penetrating voice of Head Nurse Gertrude Quonset rang down the empty corridors of Nathaniel Woodhull Private Hospital. Naughty Nurse Mia, about to step into the supply closet, winced at the sound of her superior’s voice and peeked over her shoulder. Could she slip away? Hide? No, not a chance. Head Nurse Quonset was standing in her office doorway, staring at Mia, hands on hips, stance aggressive, cold grey eyes riveted upon the dark-haired beauty. She looked like a boxer waiting for the bell, eagerly awaiting the chance to pulverize an opponent…or even the referee. Nurse Mia turned her dark eyes into the dimness of the supply closet and shrugged imperceptibly at the handsome and sophisticated Dr. Faust.

“Sorry, Fred,” she whispered. “After lunch?”

Dr. Faust shrugged, smiled ruefully, smoothed his mustache with one elegantly manicured index finger, and began putting his trousers back on.

“Ahhhh, no, Nurse Mia, I cannot. I have surgery all afternoon,” he whispered, “so you had better hurry and see what the Queen of Hell wants. You certainly don’t want to get in trouble again.” Nurse Mia rolled her eyes comically; they both knew very well that trouble should have been Mia’s middle name. He grinned and silently closed the supply room door.

Naughty Nurse Mia turned and strolled down the quiet corridor toward Head Nurse Gertrude Quonset’s office. She wondered what kind of trouble she was in now. She hadn’t done anything wrong this morning…she glanced back at the door to the supply room…not yet, anyhow!

As she passed the nurse’s station, Good Nurse Nicole gave Mia a friendly wave and the warmest of smiles. Nurse Mia looked at her suspiciously. That little goody two-shoes! Had she gotten Mia in trouble again?

Nurse Mia walked up to the Head Nurse, curtseyed, and smoothed her tight white uniform over her sexy hips.

“Did you call me, Head Nurse Quonset?” she asked, her voice sweet as treacle.

Head Nurse Quonset glared at her subordinate. She was a small woman, half a head shorter than Nurse Mia. She wore no makeup of any sort. Her pale complexion was framed by long, stringy, unkempt mousy brown hair. Her washed-out gray eyes, hidden behind a massive pair of men’s horn rim glasses, were so pale as to be nearly colorless. She, too, was in a nurse’s uniform, but there the sartorial resemblance vanished.

Nurse Mia’s uniform was of gleaming white rubber, fitting her shapely body as though it were a coat of still-wet white paint. Her stockings and stiletto heels were also white and perfect. She wore her perky little white cap at a rakish angle upon her raven-black curls.

Head Nurse Gertrude Quonset, on the other hand, wore a cotton uniform which was at least four sizes too large, and which had clearly encountered neither starch nor iron in a considerable time. It hung upon her body like a burlap sack, hanging halfway down her calves, and completely concealing any shape her body might have. To make matters worse, over the dingy white uniform she wore an enormous gray cardigan sweater which hung shapelessly down to her knees. Her stockings were tattered and shabby. Upon her feet, she wore a pair of ratty old tennis shoes. She wore no nurse’s cap. And so, naturally, she had summoned the naughty nurse to her august presence in order to criticize her appearance.

“Nurse Mia! Your uniform is shocking; it’s exciting the patients. You’re showing cleavage in your nurse’s uniform. Your skirt looks even shorter than it did yesterday!”

“I’m terribly, terribly sorry, Head Nurse Quonset!”

“Dr. Sullivan was shocked and appalled. He said that when you bent over to put away his medical instruments, he could see your panties!”

“Oh, he’s silly! He knows that I never wear panties under my rubber uniforms.”

Head Nurse Quonset was spluttering with outrage.

“You…you…you hussy! You go put some panties on, right this very minute!”

Mia shrugged.

“Yes, Head Nurse Quonset. I’ll go get some from Dr. Hentzau. He’s got the whole bottom drawer of his desk filled with my panties!”

Naughty Nurse Mia was lying dreadfully, but the shot hit home. The Head Nurse was red in the face, utterly unable to speak. She wanted Dr. Hentzau so much that she ached clear down to her knees, and now her most disobedient nurse…her most troublesome nurse…her naughtiest nurse…well, the little minx wouldn’t get away with it!

Head Nurse Quonset dropped down in a chair, snapped her fingers, and pointed at her lap. Lady M pouted slightly, then obediently draped herself across her superior’s firm thighs. Head Nurse Quonset rolled up the rubber skirt, exposing Nurse Mia’s bare butt to her spanking, and also to Good Nurse Nicole, who was watching through the open door from her post at the nurse’s station with a mischievous smile upon her lovely face.

Gertrude Quonset raised her right hand and brought it down sharply upon Nurse Mia’s bare ass. The resulting splat, and all the many that followed, sounded clear as a bell at the nurse’s duty station, and echoed down the empty hospital corridors. Good Nurse Nicole leaned over the duty station counter, propped her chin upon her hands, and watched the spanking with obvious delight.

Naughty Nurse Mia writhed and moaned under the spanking, which ended all too soon for her taste. The Head Nurse sent her back to her duties, admonishing her sternly to behave from now on, and further instructing her to keep her distance from the younger and more desirable doctors. After the lecture ended, a speech which Naughty Nurse Mia had heard many times and not listened to once, Mia walked over to the nurse’s station, put her hands on her hips, and looked sternly at Good Nurse Nicole, who wriggled over to Nurse Mia in her own white rubber uniform, brushed an errant lock of blonde hair away from her face, and then looked back at Mia with appalling cheerfulness.

“Was it a good spanking, Mia?”

Nurse Mia rubbed her rubber-clad butt and frowned.

“No,” she said unhappily. “She keeps her hand way too stiff. It’s like being hit with a dry sponge. Lots of bruises, not much pain.” She sighed. “I wish that Head Nurse Lucille would come back; she knew how to give a girl a spanking!”

Nurse Nicole shook her head, her blonde bell of hair tossing about her face, and grinned.

“Not a chance. She loves the psychiatric ward. All those men in straitjackets and padded cells. She’s in heaven!”

Mia, predictably distracted by talk about spankings, returned to the subject she’d intended to raise with Good Nurse Nicole.

“Nicole,” she said, quite innocently, “did you happen to tell Head Nurse Quonset that I didn’t have any panties on this morning?”

Nurse Nicole matched Mia’s innocent look with one of her own.

“Why, no, Mia, I didn’t.” She appeared to be lost in thought. “I may have mentioned it to Dr. Sullivan. Just in passing, of course. Idle conversation. You know, like talking about the weather.”

Naughty Nurse Mia glared at Good Nurse Nicole.

“And I don’t suppose you know who stole all my bras and panties and stockings out of our room? My drawers are completely empty!”

Nicole’s face, if possible, grew even more innocent, verging upon saintly.

“I’m sorry, Mia, I’ve no idea who’s been in your drawers.” She paused, and the ghost of a mischievous smile fleetingly crossed her beautiful face. “I did notice that there’s a Tupperware in our freezer with a lot of undies frozen solid in grape Kool-Aid.” She shrugged, sat back in her chair, and put her feet up upon the desk. “No idea how they got there. Do you suppose that they might be yours?”

“Akkkkkkk!”

Mia, enraged at yet another of Nurse Nicole’s practical jokes, shrieked and started clambering over the desk, trying to get her hands upon her frolicsome roommate. But, as soon as she found herself crouched on hands and knees atop the desk, preparing to spring upon Nurse Nicole (who, curiously enough, was making no effort to defend herself but instead was staring innocently over Mia’s shoulder), she felt a pair of powerful hands suddenly grasp her about the waist and lift her effortlessly to the floor.

As soon as those hands released Mia’s waist they took her by the shoulders and rotated her slowly about. Even before she finished being turned, Nurse Mia knew who she would see.

The head of Woodhull Hospital, Dr. Preston Sullivan, stood before Nurse Mia, looking down upon her with a bemused, superior expression on his broad, handsome face. As usual, he wore a dark grey, expertly-tailored Saville Row suit, his old school tie (Eton, if you absolutely must know) tied into an elegant double Windsor knot. Behind him stood Head Nurse Gertrude Quonset, her face angry, her arms folded, her foot tapping impatiently. She began to speak, but was instantly silenced by a wave of Dr. Sullivan’s large, powerful hand. He brushed a stray curl of black hair back beneath Mia’s white cap and spoke. He had a pronounced English public school accent and spoke as though everyone in the entire hospital were subservient to him, which of course, they were.

“Mia, I’m certainly glad you’ve plenty of free time on your hands. You wouldn’t mind volunteering for a medical demonstration for some of my students, would you? No? Excellent. Come with me.” With his first word, Dr. Sullivan had grasped Mia firmly by the arm and led her helplessly down the corridor. “Nicole, you will assist me. Come along, please. Nurse Quonset…mind the desk while these two are occupied, would you? That’s a good girl. Come along, ladies!”

Leaving Head Nurse Quonset gasping in outrage at her sudden demotion, Dr. Preston Sullivan also took Nurse Nicole by her arm and led the two nurses toward his personal operating theater. They entered the large, brightly lit room and Nurse Mia was astonished to see that each and every one of the forty-seven seats in the observation gallery was occupied by one of Dr. Sullivan’s medical students. She wondered what type of procedure he was going to perform; she hadn’t assisted in surgery in months, not since that tragic incident with poor, unfortunate Mr. Gordon, when she’d inadvertently cut off his…

“Nurse Mia!”

Dr. Sullivan’s stentorian voice broke into her thoughts.

“Yes, Dr. Sullivan?”

“We’re not keeping you from anything, are we? If you like, I could ask medical science to stop advancing until you’re quite ready.”

Nurse Mia flushed.

“No, Dr. Sullivan. I’m sorry, Dr. Sullivan. I’m ready, Dr. Sullivan.”

“That’s better. Now then, undress, if you would, please.”

Mia stared at him.

“Doctor?”

He sighed deeply and spoke very slowly.

“Take your clothes off.” He shook his head sadly. “I’d say it more simply, Nurse Mia, but unfortunately, they just don’t make words of less than one syllable.” He looked at Nurse Nicole. “Is your roommate always this uncooperative and disobedient?”

Nurse Nicole hid a smile and shook her head as Mia started wiggling out of her rubber uniform.

“No, Dr. Sullivan, Mia is a first-rate nurse. She works hard, follows orders, and the patients love her!”

Dr. Sullivan patted Nurse Nicole affectionately on her cheek. She tilted her head to one side, allowing her face to rest gently upon his large palm, and stared adoringly up into his eyes. Dr. Sullivan gazed down at her with all the fondness he could permit himself to display.

“You’re a gem, Nicole. Such loyalty…such kindness…such devotion to a friend…especially when she doesn’t deserve it…you are truly one of nature’s noblest creations.” He paused and looked around. “What was that? I thought I heard someone’s teeth grinding.” He looked at Mia. “Did you hear anything, Nurse Mia?”

Mia stepped out of her shoes and stood entirely nude before the doctor, the nurse, and forty-seven medical students. She unclenched her jaw and put a cheerful smile on her lovely face.

“No, Dr. Sullivan, I didn’t hear a thing.”

“Splendid. Then we shall begin.” His voice rose and he spoke to the audience.

“Gentlemen! Today I have a most interesting procedure for you. It’s one that’s becoming more and more common, especially since the repeal of Prohibition and the resultant increase in automobile accidents. With the most excellent assistance of the beautiful and talented Nicole, I am going to put Nurse Mia into a plaster full-body cast. Nurse Mia, hop up on the platform, would you? That’s a good girl!”

Mia obeyed. Nurse Nicole began mixing the plaster. Dr. Sullivan surveyed the two of them and his audience.

“Before I begin, are there any preliminary questions?”

A dark-headed young man in the front row stood and looked down at the trio. Dr. Sullivan gestured imperiously toward him.

“Yes, Mr. Casey? What is your question?”

“Dr. Sullivan…uh…uh…”

The doctor clapped his hands together impatiently.

“Come, come, out with it, man! State your question!”

“Doctor, will Nurse Nicole be taking her clothes off, too?”

Dr. Sullivan looked Nurse Nicole up and down with an appraising eye. She looked back at him, smiling broadly, her eyes twinkling. Nurse Mia rolled her lovely dark eyes in frustration. Dr. Preston Sullivan turned back toward his audience.

“Mr. Casey, at long last you begin to understand the noble practice of medicine. Well done, man! You’ll be a doctor yet.”

#

Three hours later, Nurse Nicole wheeled Naughty Nurse Mia into the small apartment they shared in the west wing of the hospital. Mia, however, was having very little opportunity for naughtiness, since she could do little more than wiggle her fingers and toes.

Mia was a turtle on its back. Her body was encased in plaster from her ankles to her neck, imprisoning her and holding her absolutely still. Her legs were spread wide and elevated, as were her arms. While her face showed, the rest of her head was held immobile in a plaster cocoon. Otherwise, the only parts of her body which were exposed were those which proper society preferred to be covered: her breasts and her pussy.

Nurse Mia had thoroughly enjoyed the process of being encased in her body cast; Dr. Sullivan’s hands were so strong and controlling; Nurse Nicole’s so soft and gentle. And so many young men’s eyes upon her! But then…

But then…nothing! Nobody took advantage of her helpless condition, nobody molested her, nobody groped her, nobody fucked her, nobody did anything! They just lay her atop a gurney, wheeled her into a corner and discussed, of all things, medical procedures! It was all extremely frustrating.

And now Good Nurse Nicole was wheeling her into a corner of their tiny one-room apartment and smiling her kindest, friendliest, most devilish smile.

“Comfy, Mia?” she asked, caressing one of Mia’s nipples.

Mia moaned softly, loving the gentle touch of the other woman’s warm hand on her breast. Then she opened her eyes wide and looked up at Nicole.

“We could have more fun if you’d cut me out of this cocoon,” she purred.

Nurse Nicole leaned over and kissed Mia softly on the mouth. She nuzzled Mia’s face with her lips, and whispered, “Ummmm, sounds great. Unfortunately, I have plans. You don’t mind if I borrow your new red silk blouse, do you?”

Nicole straightened, opened Mia’s clothes cupboard, and removed the blouse in question. She showed it to Mia.

“It’ll look just darling with your black leather pants, don’t you think? It’s so nice of you to loan me your wardrobe.”

Mia growled, “No, you don’t! Get me out of this thing so I can kill you! Dr. Sullivan said to cut me out of this cast!”

Nicole smiled sweetly.

“Of course, he did, darling Mia. He just didn’t say when.”

Nicole reached into another of Mia’s drawers and pulled out a large black vibrator. She grinned and showed it to Mia.

“Didn’t think I knew about ‘Oscar’, did you?”

She turned on the vibrator and slid it gently into Mia’s pussy. Mia moaned softly as the vibrator began to take control of her body. Nicole continued to browse through Mia’s clothing.

And in a matter of minutes, Good Nurse Nicole was changed into Mia’s best clubwear and gone. Naughty Nurse Mia was left alone, moaning to herself in the dark room.

#

Dawn rose like thunder, and so did the rage of Naughty Nurse Mia! As Good Nurse Nicole was climbing in through the open window, using the ivy-covered trellis as a ladder, as was her wont, Mia began shouting loud enough to wake the dead, who coincidentally were stored next door in the hospital morgue.

“Get me out of this thing! The batteries died ages ago, I’m on duty in an hour and I have to use the bathroom NOW!”

“I’m on duty in an hour, too,” Nicole grinned. “Don’t worry, Mia, we’ll make it!”

And, in no time at all, Mia emerged from her plaster cocoon, wearing nothing but plaster dust and a look of cold fury. Sparing one quick glare at Nicole, she dashed for the tiny bathroom and slammed the door behind her. Alone in the small bedroom, Nicole removed and hung up Mia’s clubwear and stood nude in the window, enjoying the play of the early morning breeze upon her bare body. She heard the bathroom door open and close and then a pair of bare arms closed tightly about her. She felt Mia’s nude body press hard against hers. She felt a soft kiss upon the side of her neck.

“I’ll get you for this one, Goody Two Shoes,” Mia whispered.

Nicole smiled, and relaxed in Mia’s arms.

“Ummmm, can’t wait. Do you want the shower first?”

She felt Mia’s long black curls brush against her bare shoulder.

“No time,” Mia said, “we’d better share.”

They both jumped as a man’s voice sounded behind them.

“Is this a private orgy, or may anyone join in?”

They wheeled about, hearts in their throats, but began to breathe once more as they beheld Dr. Faust leaning against the doorframe in their now open doorway. He was wearing his favorite old tweed jacket and wool trousers, his hands jammed casually into his jacket pockets. He looked at the two nude women appreciatively.

“Ah, ladies! You do know how to brighten an aging doctor’s morning. How very lovely you both look today.”

Mia and Nicole walked across the room and each kissed him upon a cheek. He put an arm about each of their waists and hugged them tightly.

“If I ran this hospital, ladies, all the nurses would dress just as the two of you are right this very minute. Patient morale would improve…the staff morale would improve…my morale would improve!”

Both Naughty Nurse Mia and Good Nurse Nicole were fondling Dr. Faust’s wool trousers, confirming for themselves that his diagnosis was correct: his morale was improving with each passing second.

Clearing his throat, Dr. Faust broke up the tableau.

“Ladies, much as I would enjoy…ah…spending some time with you both, shift change is in less than an hour! And I wouldn’t want to get either of you in dutch with the Queen of Hell! Naughty little Mia, you’ve been in quite enough trouble lately! And good little Nicole…I suspect that you know more about Mia’s troubles than you would care to admit! Am I right?”

Nicole blushed furiously and changed the subject.

“Dr. Faust, why can’t you be the head of the hospital? You’re a lot more fun than Dr. Sullivan. He’s so formal, so proper. He flirts with us, but he won’t fuck us!”

Mia added, “And if you were in charge, we’d be rid of Nurse Quonset!”

“Ah, and would not that be a pleasure,” Dr. Faust agreed. “Still, the painful truth is that Dr. Sullivan is the finest physician whom I have ever known…as well as a prize-winning ass and a thorough windbag! And yet, if I were king…”

A light came into his eyes.

“Ladies, kneel before me, if you would be so kind.”

Nicole and Mia knelt obediently on the floor and looked up attentively at Dr. Faust. He began to speak.

If I were king...ah love...if I were king!
What tributary nations would I bring
To stoop before your scepter and to swear
Allegiance to your lips, your eyes and hair
Beneath your feet what treasures would I fling
The stars should be your pearls upon a string
The world a ruby for your finger ring
And you should have the sun and moon to wear
If I were king
Let these wild dreams and wilder words take wing
Deep in the woods I hear a shepherd sing
A simple ballad to a sylvan aire
Of love that ever finds your face more fair
I could not give you any goodlier thing
If I were king.

Dr. Faust finished reciting and looked slightly embarrassed when he saw the adoring eyes of the two nurses.

“That was by J.H. McCarthy,” he said, as much to fill the sudden silence as for any other reason. “He wrote that as a tribute to Francois Villon.” He kept speaking, since both nurses were still kneeling, still staring up silently at him. “Villon was a magnificent 15th century French rogue, a scoundrel and wastrel, ‘the vagabond poet.’ He wrote Des Dames du Temps Jadis.” Neither of the two nude nurses spoke; both still gazed at him rapturously.

“Ah, the children of today!” Dr. Faust continued. “How is it, I ask you, that two such lovely ladies can be so proficient at French, and yet cannot speak a word of it?”

“That was beautiful,” Mia murmured.

“Gorgeous,” said Nicole. “Golly, I didn’t know you could recite poetry, Dr. Faust.”

A new voice broke in from the behind Dr. Faust, accompanied by slow, sarcastic clapping.

“Oh, utterly grand, Fred, simply wonderful! It warms my heart to watch an aging Lothario trying to charm two young women…two much younger women…with poetry!”

The man in the doorway burst into the merriest laughter imaginable. He was a tall, athletic, handsome man, his aquiline features adorned by a pencil mustache. He wore a powder blue double-breasted suit with a purple shirt, bright yellow necktie, and matching yellow pocket handkerchief. His two-tone shoes gleamed in the early morning light. His name was Dr. Rupert Hentzau. Dr. Faust turned and regarded him with no approval whatsoever.

“Ah, good morning, Rupert! Doing your daily rounds of the nurse’s quarters, I see! Your Nurse Quonset would not approve, I fear! She might be less enamored with you if I inadvertently told her where you spend your off-duty hours, mightn’t she be?”

Dr. Hentzau’s handsome face stiffened. All the hospital knew of and laughed at Head Nurse Quonset’s hopeless crush on the handsome Ruritanian physician. He had utterly no interest in the drab Nurse Quonset, yet he took full advantage of her feelings and her authority to make his duty schedule as light and amenable as possible. Were she to become displeased with him, he might find himself treating patients in the free ward, rather than dealing with the social elite amongst which he preyed upon the available daughters and the younger widows like Gypsy Rose Lee upon the hormones of middle-aged men.

“It is of no interest to me what the supremely dreary Nurse Quonset thinks. All that counts about her is that she makes up the doctor’s schedules, and that I have the homely little drudge quite effectively wrapped around my little finger.”

Dr. Faust examined his fingernails with mild interest. Naughty Nurse Mia and Good Nurse Nicole were more interested in watching Head Nurse Quonset, who had silently approached and who now was standing directly behind Dr. Rupert Hentzau, tapping her foot, her eyes bleary, her pale face white with rage.

“Ah…have her at your beck and call, do you?” asked Dr. Faust.

“Collared and leashed, old boy! Anytime I want her to sit up and beg, I just have to snap my fingers!”

Nurse Quonset held her hand directly behind Dr. Hentzau’s ear and snapped her fingers, quite loudly. He whirled about and blanched. Nurse Quonset folded her arms across her tattered gray cardigan, peered over her thick glasses, and beheld the tableau.

“I have had no sleep whatsoever. And what am I looking at? Two doctors, flirting with nurses, late for rounds,” she said. “Two nurses, on their knees, naked, late for work.”

“We still have ten minutes, Head Nurse Quonset,” said Good Nurse Nicole, her voice bright and cheerful. Nurse Quonset glared at her, and at Nurse Mia, and at both doctors, and then she began to speak, her voice low and dangerous.

#

“I can’t believe I have to work double shifts for the next month,” complained Good Nurse Nicole, as she gently polished Naughty Nurse Mia’s butt through her tight rubber nurse’s uniform. “I never get into trouble!”

Naughty Nurse Mia closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation of Nurse Nicole’s soft hands rubbing her body through the gleaming white uniform.

“Nurse Quonset never spanked me that hard before. It wasn’t much fun.”

Nurse Nicole started to rub her own bruised bottom, but stopped in time. Head Nurse Quonset had screamed at the two of them for a good fifteen minutes because their rubber uniforms had been poorly shined; she had then ordered them to give each other a good polishing when they went on duty. Fortunately, both nurses loved polishing and being polished and consequently they were taking their own sweet time about it, and doing the job right! Nurse Nicole’s uniform was now gleaming white, bearing not a stray mark, not a smudge, not even a fingerprint. And soon, Nurse Mia’s uniform would be equally pristine!

“I think she really wants to spank Dr. Hentzau. He’s been making a fool of her, and now she knows it.”

“And now she knows that everybody else knew it, too.”

“Mia, do you think we should’ve made fun of Dr. Hentzau? He looked kind of mad.”

“He had it coming. He shouldn’t have called us sluts. Claiming that I’ll fuck anybody…the nerve! He knows full well that I won’t fuck just anybody…just not him!”

Nicole shrugged, gently turned Mia about, and began rubbing the dark-haired beauty’s breasts. Even through the rubber, she could see Mia’s nipples spring erect.

“That’s what most men mean by ‘slut.’ Still, maybe we shouldn’t have told Nurse Quonset that he stuffs his undershorts with sweat socks.”

Mia grinned.

“Well, that’s what Head Nurse Lucille told me!”

A cheerful voice sounded behind them. The two nurses turned, and saw Dr. Rupert Hentzau standing behind them, a cheerful grin on his face, two ceramic cups of steaming black coffee in his hands.

“Good morning, ladies! What was it Lucille told you?”

Nurse Mia started to stammer an answer, and was cut off by Nurse Nicole.

“Head Nurse Lucille told her that running the Psychiatric Ward is the most fun she’s ever had!”

Dr. Hentzau laughed merrily.

“That woman does love her straitjackets!”

He handed each of the nurses a cup of coffee.

“A peace gesture to two lovelies. We all got a bit…excited up there. Not the way I’d like to get excited with the two of you, either!”

They accepted the coffee and drank gratefully. Neither of the nurses had slept at all the night before, and now they faced a double shift. And so, while neither of them cared for Dr. Hentzau, finding him too slimy for their tastes, they drank the coffee in the best Maxwell House style, and then Dr. Hentzau gave them each an overly-friendly hug and left to do his rounds.

The two nurses grimaced at each other; neither cared for Dr. Hentzau’s groping hugs. So, they finished polishing one another, cleaning off all traces of Dr. Hentzau’s embrace, inspected each other head to foot for imperfections (none were found), and got down to their work for the day.

Naughty Nurse Mia sat down and began to look over the patient reports from the night before. Good Nurse Nicole also sat and examined the supply requisitions for the week. Both nurses paid careful attention to detail. Both nurses worked diligently.

And both nurses were sound asleep, heads resting upon the desk, within ten minutes.

#

“NURSE MIA! NURSE NICOLE!”

Naughty Nurse Mia woke up with a start. Head Nurse Gertrude Quonset was standing in the doorway of her office, just a few feet away, and was bellowing like a bull. Nurse Mia sprang to her feet, shocked to realize that she had been asleep on duty. Beside her, Nurse Nicole rose to her feet slowly, a groggy look on her face.

Nurse Mia’s mouth felt as though she’d been eating cigarette ashes.

“Yes, Head Nurse Quonset?” she managed to choke out.

Nurse Quonset’s voice was tight with rage.

“Nurse Mia, come here, right this very minute! Nurse Nicole, call the sheriff and get him here now!”

“Yes, Head Nurse Quonset,” said the two nurses, giving one another a worried glance. How had they both fallen asleep on duty? Nurse Nicole picked up the phone and began dialing as Nurse Mia walked around the desk to join the Head Nurse at her office door.

“Yes, Head Nurse Quonset?”

Gertrude Quonset took Nurse Mia by the arm and yanked her into the office.

“Nurse Mia, what have you done to my office? I take a two hour nap, and…and…just look at it!”

Mia gaped.

Half the office was missing. Literally. On the left hand side of the office, nearest the door, everything was normal.

On the right hand side, however, everything was gone. Everything.

Head Nurse Quonset’s desk and chair were gone. The two guest chairs, however, were still there, facing a desk which had vanished. The curtains and Venetian blinds on the large window behind the desk were gone. The matching curtains and blinds on the other window were still present. It was the same with the photos on the walls, the potted plants, the bric-a-brac, with everything in the room. It was as though someone had drawn a line down the middle of the office and taken away everything on one side, ignored everything on the other.

The rug had been sliced in two. Half was gone, half remained. Even half the bulbs in the ceiling lamps had been taken.

Nurse Mia turned slowly and looked at her superior, who was spluttering at her in a paroxysm of anger.

“Nurse Mia, I want my office back! I mean…I want the rest of my office back! And I want it back now! Why did you steal my office?”

Naughty Nurse Mia stared at Head Nurse Quonset, speechless.

#

“I can’t believe I’m under arrest,” said Good Nurse Nicole, as Sheriff Tyree snapped a pair of gleaming handcuffs onto her wrists.

“You’d better believe it, young lady,” said Sheriff Tyree. “This is a serious matter and I intend to get to the bottom of it.” He was a lean, rawboned man wearing a quiet blue suit and an old battered cowboy hat. He had a handsome if weatherbeaten face and he was more than a little bowlegged. The tall, lanky sheriff snapped a second pair of handcuffs onto Naughty Nurse Mia’s wrists. He then stepped back, removed the cowboy hat from his head, and mopped his brow with a bright red bandana which he pulled from the breast pocket of his old but well-kept blue suit.

He looked sternly at the two beautiful women, both wearing gleaming white rubber nurse’s uniforms, both wearing gleaming steel handcuffs on their wrists.

“Now, then,” he said, “I believe in getting every little detail straight. That’s what I do. Been sheriff of this county for eleven years, and that’s how I get the job done. Observation and deduction. Just like Sherlock Holmes. Just like Nick Carter. Just like Craig Kennedy.” He held up a shabby old Gladstone bag. “Got my detective kit right here. Magnifier. Fingerprint gear. Camera. Measuring tape. Everything a good detective needs to solve any case.”

He looked the two nurses up and down, squinting, trying to look tough, trying hard to look like Gary Cooper.

“I’m not gonna miss a thing, girls. You can count on that. But you two can make it easy on yourselves, if you want. Confess now, and I’ll ask the judge to give you a break.”

He put his cowboy hat low over his eyes, crouched a bit to bring his eyes level with theirs, and gave them his toughest look.

“Give it to me straight. This guy Quorum. Why’d you steal his furniture?”

The two nurses stared at him, their mouths hanging open. Good Nurse Nicole recovered first and spoke.

“We didn’t steal anything, Sheriff. We were asleep. And it’s Quonset, not Quorum.”

“Nurse Nicole is telling the truth, Sheriff,” said Nurse Mia. “We were asleep for hours. We didn’t steal a thing. And Nurse Quonset is a woman, not a man.”

Sheriff Tyree stared at them, amazed.

“He is? I mean...she is? Golly. That sure is one plug-ugly woman. Explains why he’s wearing a dress, though. Are you sure?”

Nurse Nicole pulled one hand out of her handcuffs, placed it respectfully over her heart, and said, “I swear, Sheriff. Head Nurse Gertrude Quonset is a woman.” She put her hand back in the cuffs and stood before Sheriff Tyree, her face a model of innocence.

Sheriff Tyree glared at her.

“Don’t be playing games with my handcuffs, young lady. You’re in enough trouble already. Stealing furniture, lying to an officer of the law, sleeping on duty…”

“Ah, Sheriff Tyree…if they are guilty of sleeping on duty, they cannot possibly be guilty of stealing furniture, too! And vice versa, of course.”

The Sheriff turned and saw Dr. Fred Faust leaning against the corridor wall, a quiet smile on his face, hands as usual jammed deeply into his jacket pockets. Dr. Rupert Hentzau stood silently near him, as did Dr. Preston Sullivan. Head Nurse Gertrude Quonset stood apart from the three doctors, her face stony. The Sheriff thought about what the doctor had said.

“Reckon that’s so, Doc. Reckon maybe I’m jumping to conclusions. I haven’t done my investigating work, yet. I’d better get down to it.”

“An excellent idea, Sheriff,” commented Dr. Faust dryly.

“I’m gonna start by dusting for fingerprints. You two girls come to the office with me.”

Good Nurse Nicole took her hand out of the cuffs again and saluted the Sheriff. Naughty Nurse Mia kicked her in the ankle and whispered, “Cut that out! You’re going to get us in trouble!”

Nurse Nicole put her hand back in the cuffs and held them up in front of Mia’s face.

“Too late!” she grinned.

The three walked past Dr. Faust to Head Nurse Quonset’s office. Dr. Faust had a puzzled look on his face.

“Ah, excuse me, Sheriff Tyree, but I fail to quite understand. Do you mean to say that you intend to examine Nurse Mia and Nurse Nicole for fingerprints?”

Sheriff Tyree thought back on what he said, looked the two handcuffed women up and down, and got a thoughtful look on his face.

“Yup,” he said, trying hard, but sounding nothing at all like Gary Cooper.

Dr. Faust nodded.

“Ah, splendid idea! In that case, Sheriff, I would like to volunteer my services. I have…ah…some small experience in cases of this type!”

The two handcuffed nurses and Dr. Faust followed Sheriff Tyree into the remains of Nurse Quonset’s office. As they walked past her, the Head Nurse glared daggers at both Mia and Nicole, and gave her usual sigh of exasperation toward Dr. Faust, but pointedly looked past Sheriff Tyree as though he did not exist.

Naughty Nurse Mia and Good Nurse Nicole thorough enjoyed being examined for fingerprints. Sheriff Tyree began by spraying a fine powder all over their rubber dresses. Dr. Faust followed by dusting the powder away with a fine brush, wielded with all the delicacy of his surgeon’s hands. The tiny brush was applied to every inch of the two nurses’ rubber uniforms, and tickled delightfully…especially around the nipples!

Sheriff Tyree and Dr. Faust then examined Mia and Nicole in great detail with magnifying glasses and recorded their findings with a tiny German camera contained in the Sheriff’s detective kit. The Sheriff then stood each of the nurses in a corner of the room while he searched for further clues. Good Nurse Nicole stayed where she had been put, her nose obediently facing the corner. Naughty Nurse Mia, on the other hand, kept peeking to see what the Sheriff was finding out, and only a swift and sure spanking from Sheriff Tyree (even better than former Head Nurse Lucille’s!) brought about Mia’s obedience. Meanwhile, Dr. Faust lounged in one of the remaining chairs and smoked, watching the proceedings with an air of bemused interest.

Finally, Sheriff Tyree ended his search, put away his equipment, and released Nurse Mia and Nurse Nicole from their handcuffs.

“All right, ladies, you’re free to go,” he told them.

“We’re cleared?” asked Nurse Nicole.

“Oh, you two never were suspects,” the Sheriff said. “Two pretty little girls like you couldn’t take away all that furniture in two hours.”

“Then why did you handcuff us?” asked Nurse Mia.

Sheriff Tyree stared at her in amazement. He stepped back and looked at each of the rubber-clad nurses from her head to her toes, and then right back to her head again. He whistled softly.

“Well,” he said, with a wolf’s grin, “who wouldn’t?”

#

Twenty minutes later found Nurse Mia and Nurse Nicole back in their room. They’d been sent off-duty by Head Nurse Quonset to change uniforms, as theirs were covered with fingerprint powder. The two nurses had just managed to peel one another out of the tight-fitting rubber uniforms when there was a knock on the door.

Nurse Mia walked over to the door and swung it wide. Head Nurse Gertrude Quonset walked slowly inside, utterly oblivious to the nudity of her two subordinates. She collapsed into the room’s only chair and immediately disintegrated in tears. Mia and Nicole stared at one another in amazement.

“He thought I was a man!” wailed Gertrude Quonset.

“Sheriff Tyree?” asked Nicole.

The Head Nurse nodded and began sobbing.

“Well,” said Mia, “he’s a dope!”

Gertrude Quonset glared at Mia through her tears.

“No, he’s not! He’s a wonderful man. So tall…so strong…so powerful! He could never want me, any more than Rupert could!”

“One out of two isn’t bad,” Nicole said. “You know the truth about Rupert now…he’s a pigboy! You’re well rid of him. As for Sheriff Tyree…maybe he just didn’t get a good look at you.”

“Maybe he has bad eyes!” Mia added helpfully.

Nurse Quonset leapt to her feet and scowled at Nurse Mia.

“How dare you! He has perfect eyes! The problem is he got too good a look at me! Oh, Mia, if you weren’t my best friend, I…I…I don’t know what I’d do!”

She turned and stalked into the bathroom. Nicole and Mia stared at each other.

“I’m her best friend?” Mia said in utter disbelief.

“Mary, Mother of God!” said Nicole. “Good golly, Mia, what’ll we do?”

Mia thought silently for a moment. Finally, she spoke.

“Well…a girl can do wonders sometimes with a lick of paint and some new curtains. It’ll be harder to redecorate Nurse Quonset than an old wreck of a house, but…let’s give it a try!”

#

The next day, Sheriff Tyree returned to Woodhull Hospital, found Naughty Nurse Mia and Good Nurse Nicole at their duty station, and immediately sent them scampering about the hospital, summoning all the suspects to the remains of Head Nurse Quonset’s office. It took a while, mostly because Dr. Faust and Dr. Sullivan were busy dealing with the admission of the entire USC men’s swim team, come down with a rare and entirely inconsequential case of chlorine overdose. But finally, the Sheriff had his way and he lounged in the office doorway, looking over all his suspects.

All but one, that is.

“Where’s Nurse Quotient?” he asked, irritably. “It’s her office, her things, she should be here.”

A hand from the hallway touched Sheriff Tyree gently upon the arm, and a soft voice spoke in his ear.

“Why don’t you call me Gertie?” cooed Head Nurse Gertrude Quonset. “My last name is so hard to remember.” She giggled. “I have trouble with it sometimes, myself!”

Sheriff Tyree’s head turned and his jaw dropped. He had been expecting the return of the Queen of Hell, as he had learned she was called. He had been expecting a drudge in dowdy clothes, bad posture, unwashed hair, and no makeup. Instead…

Instead…here was Gertie!

Gertie wore one of Nurse Mia’s old rubber uniforms, one which Mia had given up as being too short for even her to wear. On the smaller woman, it fit perfectly. When they had undressed the Head Nurse the evening before, both Mia and Nicole had been stunned at the amazing beauty of the woman’s body, kept eternally shrouded in draping garments due to her excessive shyness. The uniform clung to the curves of her body as though it had been made expressly for her.

Nurse Mia and Nurse Nicole had kept Head Nurse Quonset in their apartment all night, changing her appearance in every way possible. Every hair on her body below the neck had been shaved away. And most of the hair on her head had been cut away, too. They had decided that a short, almost boyish cut would suit “Gertie”, as they had rechristened her. Using up nearly every drop of hydrogen peroxide in the nearby supply closet had then transformed Gertie from a mousy brunette into a spectacular platinum blonde. She was beautiful. She was radiant. She was luminous.

The results were astonishing. Sheriff Tyree was gaping at her. All three doctors had risen to their feet and were offering her their chairs, something none of them (except Dr. Faust) had ever done before. And Nurses Mia and Nicole were grinning at one another, delighted with the success of their creation.

“Head Nurse…uh…Gertie,” stammered Sheriff Tyree. “You look…different today. Uh…did you change your hair?”

Gertie smiled shyly and gently touched her hair.

“Why, no, Sheriff. Just ran a comb through it, is all. Oh! I did misplace my glasses this morning. Perhaps that’s it!”

Sheriff Tyree gulped and nodded.

“It must be. Why, Head Nurse…Gertie, you are absolutely beautiful without your glasses!”

Gertie dipped her eyes coquettishly.

“Why, thank you, Sheriff. You are too kind. I must confess, though: I’m simply blind as a bat! Would you be so kind as to help me to a chair, Sheriff? I’m just utterly helpless without my glasses!”

The Sheriff began to recover his aplomb.

“I’d be delighted, Gertie.”

He offered her his arm and assisted Gertie to the room’s most comfortable remaining chair. Mia and Nicole grinned at each other; Gertie was following their instructions to perfection.

Once she had been seated, Gertie ran her fingers along the Sheriff’s arm admiringly.

“Ummmm, Sheriff. You really are terribly strong, aren’t you?”

Sheriff Tyree blushed, cleared his throat, and got back down to business. He pulled a note from his suit pocket, read it, put it back, produced another note, and read that one. He frowned, dissatisfied, and then looked at everyone at once.

“I had a long speech here, was going to tell you how I figured all this out. But that would take a while, and I don’t like making speeches,” he paused and looked at Gertie, “and I’ve got something else to do. So…Dr. Rupert Hentzau, you are under arrest. I found your fingerprints all over the two sleeping nurses, and I found the missing goods in your basement, and I found that your license to practice medicine was revoked three years ago. Got anything to say?”

Dr. Rupert Hentzau rose slowly from his chair, yawning and stretching.

“Always, Sheriff Tyree.”

Suddenly, Dr. Rupert Hentzau was standing behind Gertie, a gleaming scalpel in his right hand held close to her bare throat. Gertie screamed. Mia and Nicole screamed. Dr. Preston Sullivan screamed. Dr. Fred Faust allowed one eyebrow to raise slightly in surprise.

“We wouldn’t want the Queen of Hell’s icy blood to ruin her pretty new uniform, would we, Sheriff?”

Without even a blur of motion, Sheriff Tyree suddenly had a large revolver in his right hand, aimed directly at Dr. Rupert Hentzau. The doctor compared the small scalpel in his hand with the large pistol in the Sheriff’s and shrugged. He tossed the scalpel in the air, caught it by the handle, threw it directly at the Sheriff, and sprang for the window.

Sheriff Tyree deflected the scalpel with his gun barrel and it fell harmlessly to the floor. He looked up from it to see Dr. Rupert Hentzau standing on the window sill, a merry smile on his lips.

“It’s getting too hot in here for me! Au revoir, Gertrude! Farewell, Sheriff!”

And he leapt from the window and ran across the lawn and into the trees, and was gone.

#

By dinner, everything had been resolved satisfactorily.

Dr. Rupert Hentzau was gone, never to be seen again.

Dr. Preston Sullivan returned to his office and to teaching his medical students.

Gertie resigned as Head Nurse in order to marry Sheriff Tyree.

Dr. Fred Faust recited poetry to naked nurses on every conceivable occasion.

Good Nurse Nicole was promoted to Head Nurse Nicole.

Naughty Nurse Mia was promoted to Good Nurse Mia…and she was good just about as long as anyone expected her to be!

#

“I can’t believe that I’m Head Nurse now,” commented Nicole that evening, as she and Good Nurse Mia strolled along a corridor, discussing the events of the recent past.

“You deserve the promotion, but what about me? I didn’t want a promotion to Good Nurse; I want sex! And it’s just not fair!” Good Nurse Mia complained. “Gertie’s getting some tonight. You’ve got a date with Dr. Sullivan, so you’re getting some! I’m haven’t had any in three days… I want some, and I want it now!”

“What about Dr. Fred Faust?” Head Nurse Nicole asked. “Weren’t the two of you making headway?”

Mia nodded.

“Yes, but Psych Ward Nurse Lucille got herself a new straitjacket and wants Fred to strap her into it and then recite poetry to her.”

Nicole giggled.

“Dr. Fred could never resist that!”

“And so I don’t get any tonight,” Mia complained.

“Well, as to that…” Nicole trailed off.

Mia looked at her, suspiciously.

“What is it, Head Nurse Nicole?”

“It may get you in trouble!”

Mia smiled mischievously.

“Will you have to spank me?”

Nicole’s eyes sparkled.

“Perhaps. We’ll see.” She put on her professional voice. “One of the members of the USC swim team broke into the supply cabinet and pilfered five bottles of Viagra. All ten of those young men have been popping little blue pills for the past three hours. They’re completely out of control. And somebody has to go in there to deal with it.”

The two nurses stopped before a closed door.

“They’re right in there.”

Mia looked at the door.

“Ten college students?” she asked.

“Uh-huh.”

“Trained athletes?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Hopped up on Viagra?”

“Right.”

“And somebody has to…uh…bring them down?”

“Mia, I can’t order you to do this.”

Mia looked thoughtful.

“Well, I am a sister of mercy. And it would be merciful to give them a way out of their misery.”

“It’s against union rules.”

“Ten of them and one of me. I’d say the odds are about even!”

“You’ll probably get in trouble. A spanking, maybe a demotion.”

Mia grinned.

“A spanking from you, Head Nurse Nicole?” She licked her lips. “Can’t wait!”

She opened the door and entered the ward. A chorus of male shouts sounded as she entered.

Just before the door closed, Good Nurse Mia leaned out and kissed Head Nurse Nicole on the cheek.

“Be a dear and lock the door from the outside, would you? I don’t want any of them to get away!”

THE END

(Author’s note: Some of my more astute readers may happen to notice an anachronism or two in this story. Viagra in the 1930’s, for instance. I noticed forty-seven myself, before I stopped counting. If you can find more…there’s a prize of a foot-tall chocolate rabbit...if Lady M doesn’t eat it first!)

©2004 David Gustafson